Knowing (2009)
(Aka Yelling)
So if you ever want to watch a movie with a most hypocritical title, then you've found it. I don't think anyone who watches this movie truly knows what's going on. Let me start by giving you a little back ground on this apocalyptic mess. Nicholas Cage plays our "hero" John Koestler and is accompanied by his son Caleb Koestler. These two knuckle heads are the recipients of a magic set of numbers that have been buried in a time capsule for FIFTY FUCKING YEARS. That's half a decade fools. The opening shows us how these numbers got from brain to pad. A little girl named Lucinda Embry is the only kid in her class actually doing something worth putting into a time capsule. Really? Everyone apparently put drawings in this bitch and the teacher just yanks a neurotic set of numbers out of this child's hands and makes a big deal about her taking to long. She's obviously doing something more relevant then a picture of the latest fucking toy of the time and no one seems to care. This is the pace for the rest of the movie. No one knows what the hell is going on. This leads us into the unveiling of the time capsule. Oh wow. Somehow Caleb ends up with Lucinda's prophetic numbers and it ends up making Nicholas Cage's head spin around like a top. Oh no, these predict all disasters for the last fifty years. They kind of show not even half of the connections during a montage of John ripping his hair out and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. How is he even able to read the paper with such double vision? Maybe he made some sort of miscalculation, a grave miscalculation. So instead of taking this amazing discovery to the press (he's an astrophysicist by the way) he takes it to one of his co-workers who of course has no clue what John is talking about and is never seen again during the entirety of the movie. This is the theme for many characters. No development.at.all. These people are about as black and white as they come. They never seem to break pace with being entirely mundane and really bad at acting. So this leads us into our only other two main characters the daughter of Lucinda Diana Wayland and her one dimensional daughter Abby Wayland. John hunts her down expecting her to know what's going on but instead just freaks her out. Eventually she comes to grips with the notion once a plane crash happens. And then we get into the rest of the movie which I don't even feel needs to be talked about. Random events of destruction take place, Nicholas Cage runs around over acting, and basically all the other characters disappear until they are needed for Nicholas Cage to yell at. This movie should have been called yelling. We don't know why they was so much yelling but it seemed to be the bulk of the script. Oh and by the way, there are aliens following them the WHOLE MOVIE. Yet this movie feels it shouldn't focus on that, it should be focusing on how stupid our main character is. All in all I give this movie a rating of NICHOLAS CAGED, which simply means you should already know what you're walking into and probably not spend your money on it. I'll give you my copy of this movie so you don't give it any more money then it deserves. Great for laughs, terrible for everything else.
This movie gave me a bad case of the Nicholas Rage. I'm going to have to go to therapy now. I've seen one to many of this man's movies and I think its time for some help.
